Swipe-happy dating app Tinder makes its first flirtation with podcasting in DTR: Define the Relationship (iTunes, Gimlet). This American Life’s Jane Marie is the quick-witted and detail-obsessed host or, as she puts it: “your guide through this wild new world of dating, love and sex in cyberspace”.
The trailer features someone whose Tinder profile picture was taken at her father’s funeral, and episode one spends 21 minutes deconstructing what the word “Hey” means. Yes, “Hey.” After listening to this, you’ll think twice before using the seemingly innocuous opening gambit. A hundred million messages on Tinder begin with “Hey” each month. Is it lazy messaging or simply the evolution of the old problem of trying to say hello to someone you fancy in a bar without using a cheesy chat-up line?
Some people think it’s the most “organic” way to make contact, whereas certain “hey shamers” believe it means the other person hasn’t read their profile. It could be the amuse-bouche of internet dating, but the right swipe has already done that job. So does that make it junk mail?
If this sounds like a navel-gazing podcast that takes over-analysing to an alarming level, it is not. DTR is like a great first-date conversation with sparkle, a lot of debate and the realisation that everyone wants the same thing: love (or at least the chance of meeting someone with whom they can __have sex).
Towards the end, the tide turns and “hey” becomes acceptable, especially when you consider the alternatives. A gif of a mammal that says: “Whale, hello there”? Actually, that’s not bad, according to Tyler Menzel, an internet dater and editorial director of online gif database Giphy. Menzel reveals that the most searched-for gif on Tinder is the old Joey from Friends, “How you doing?” Maybe it’s better to stick to the humble hey.
“It might be lazy, but it’s also efficient,” says Marie. “It’s a neutral place to start, a blank slate. You can read whatever the hell you want into a hey, and perhaps that’s part of its beauty.” DTR reads a hell of a lot into everything, but that’s part of its beauty. Next up: dick pics. What a time to be alive and trying to get a date.
If you like this, try … On the Shelf.
